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About Varied / Hobbyist Member Kaitlen BennettFemale/United States Group :iconno-adopt-left-behind: No-adopt-left-behind
 
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Deviant for 2 Years
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Statistics 135 Deviations 441 Comments 1,433 Pageviews

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My stuff is crap ._. (mostly the computer art, the drawing stuff isn't that bad) :la:

Adopts free and for sale stamp by greenhousegirl Icons for sale by greenhousegirl

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Buy one…….I dare you :la:


Zey would look very good over zee mantle!

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I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch someone’s lights out. I wanted to die. After I calmed down, it now seemed like an over reaction, but I knew it certainly hadn’t felt like it at the time. After all, my girlfriend had told me that she basically had been ignoring me weeks because her mother thought it would, distract her from her studies,  and that she was still afraid of what her dad would say about her “Gayness”. Although I certainly was a little too harsh with the don’t be surprised if I never speak to you again thing, I really did feel like my stating that she could talk to her brother, who “doesn’t give a fuck”, was legitimate advice. Also, personally, I thought she was trying to hard to be her brother, I mean trying for drum major and valedictorian is nice, and so is being the perfect marcher in band, but you have to worry about your mental health as well.
Reading that last paragraph, I thought, “wow that is rude”, and it kinda was, but I feel like it’s a solid argument. The problem is, I fucked up any chance I have of apologizing to her. I said I wouldn’t give her another second chance, but I want to so badly, although it’ll be a year before she even looks at me again. I play out the scene in my mind and all I see is me crying after attempting to apologize, and her walking away without even a glance. I guess this whole thing is boiling down to one thing; I am a lot weaker than I let on. I act like a badass lesbian, or a freaky band kid, but in reality I am just a bipolar teen whose pastimes include contemplating suicide and screaming into my pillow.
A while ago me and a couple of friends and I started a role playing group for an online comic. Our character’s were supposed to be fictional and fun, but mine was extremely suicidal, fragile and violent when she is upset. Several times she has had to be tranquilized to stop her from cutting off own her limbs. She also has the goofy/badass front that I try to pull off, and she is constantly on the brink of insanity. While I am probably not on the brink of insanity, all of the rest are indeed true details describing my personality when I am upset.
I am a piece of shit. I insulted the hell out my ex-girlfriend, and in the same hour sending bits of sad things to her, only to become one of the things I will always regret. I forgot where the line is and I crossed it. I could blame it on being bipolar, or the fact that I never think things through. And to think my mom was so proud for cutting it so “cleanly”, and now I might want to be dragging it out painfully thin until it snaps, just like last time, shames me. I hate pity and shame, yet they are the emotions that come the easiest.
I felt proud sending those strongly worded texts and coloring at the same time, but now I realize that I should have read your entire response before telling you to fuck off would have been wiser. I have refused to cry since then, even when our cat had to put down because I hate feeling weak, which ironically, makes me cry harder.
Honestly, I want to join a boxing league to let my anger out., but I would probably fuck that up as well. It would be more effective than beating up my tiny brother in anger not even directed at him though.
I hope I can talk to her without ruining it, because I want to help her through her pain, and get rid of my own guilt. I want to tell her she doesn’t have to be perfect. I want to tell her to relax, calm down, it’ll be okay. But i ruined everything. And now the only person that I’ve ever loved like this has been chased away by my own negativity.

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Kaitlen Bennett
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Commissions - Open by SweetDuke Gifts - Friends Only by SweetDuke Requests - Friends Only by SweetDuke Trades - Ask Me by SweetDuke DashScoot Eskimo Kiss Gif by DNFTT2014 Queen Chrysalis N Fluffle Puff  gif by DNFTT2014 Cat and Wolf by LockRikard

(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ :la: *:・゚✧ :la: *:・゚✧ :la: *:・゚✧ :la: *:・゚✧ :la: *:・゚✧ :la: *:・゚✧ :la: *:・゚✧ :la:

I like to draw ponies and crappy computer art. and stuff….? :meow:

I am really bad at keeping up to date with DA >-< (just to let you know)

consultingassbutt.deviantart.c… check out my friend's page too :meow:

Slow interwebz - Old version by prosaix Suicide by InsertSillyUsername ..::Viva La Vida::.. by NightmareGK13 Wicked Lovely Stamp by courtneyallison Maximum Ride Stamp by Half-N-Half Wonder Pets Duct Tape by impersonalinfo Tim Burton Stamp by thatfire-stock in Wonderland by SsGirlo Hopeless Dreamer by SsGirlo Love Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Day Dreamer Stamp by Sora05 What is an Artist? by Neikoish Songs Over Genres by siriuslylostwerewolf I love kawaii by prosaix STAMP-mechanical pencils by Sister-of-Charity Favorites Raider Stamp by In-The-Machine Mental Wi-Fi by prosaix Stop using gay as an insult by MrsZeldaOfHyrule The Bible Does Not Condemn Homosexuality Stamp by el-Jimmeister I am GAY- Stamp by DustinPina
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Commissions

An Egg with a surprise creature
Completely Random Mystery Adopts CLOSED by greenhousegirl
Egg 3 by greenhousegirl
Egg 1 by greenhousegirl
Eggs 7 12 and 13 by greenhousegirl
Eggs 2 6 and 14 by greenhousegirl
Wolf Adopt 10 points by greenhousegirl
You can ask for an egg and I will give you three choices to choose from!

(More expensive because I said so, also because it involves more work)
:meow:
Animal OCs
A fox  yay by greenhousegirl
Any animal OC you have :meow:
Your Pony OC!
Skyfox Pony by greenhousegirl
Magenta Rain (Original) by greenhousegirl
Jazzberry Heart by greenhousegirl
Sky Silk by greenhousegirl
Ponies! :meow:
A Fan troll, if you wanna, ^^'
My Fan Troll by greenhousegirl
OC Troll Offer to Adopt by greenhousegirl
Entry for TentacleCutie's contest by greenhousegirl
Your OC! (humanoidish ones)
Happy by greenhousegirl
Clemintine (adoptable) by greenhousegirl
Zoe Radford (my random OC) by greenhousegirl
ummmm so yeah…. :hug:
Icons….? if you want
My OC in Pixel form :) by greenhousegirl
Magenta Rain by greenhousegirl
Tavros Icon 1 point to own by greenhousegirl
Rose Lalonde Pony Icon (1 point) by greenhousegirl
This thing... Icon for 1 point by greenhousegirl
Pony Icon (1 point to own) by greenhousegirl
 (but actually 1 point ;-; )

All the Icons besides the first two are for sale as well

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Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconathos01:
Athos01 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014
Thank you very much for the fav :).
Reply
:icongreenhousegirl:
greenhousegirl Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
your welcome ^^
Reply
:iconhubert61:
hubert61 Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014
merci pour les favs :)
Reply
:icongreenhousegirl:
greenhousegirl Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
vous êtes le bienvenu :)
Reply
:icongr33n-t3a:
gr33n-t3a Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Can I draw something for you? <3 (I can do anything like OTP, people, kinda animals.)
Reply
:icongreenhousegirl:
greenhousegirl Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
anything? ^^' Well, I would love some Gamtav or Stridercest (you can omit stridercest if it offends you) but i ship  nearly everything in homestuck (besides Vriska and Tav)

Thank you for offering :hug: :meow:
Reply
:icongr33n-t3a:
gr33n-t3a Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No problem. ~ Which Strider though? (Dave, Dirk Bro? Orr all?)
Reply
:icongreenhousegirl:
greenhousegirl Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
dave/dirk ^^
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconnerdsydney:
NerdSydney Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thankies for the watch! ♪(┌・。・)┌
Reply
:icongreenhousegirl:
greenhousegirl Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
your welcome!
Reply
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